Research help - Calling all mommies and daddies!

[zinnith]

So, I'm writing a fic in which there is a baby. Not having any children myself, I know absolutely nothing about them other than that when you have one in your lap and she's smiling and gurgling at you, it might be because she's happy, but it could also be because she's in the process of pooping on your new pants.

The baby in question is about three months old. Where would she be in her development? Would she smile at strangers? Would she let a stranger hold her without fussing? What about eating and sleeping habits? I know there's a lot of general info out there, and I know all children are different, but it would really help me to get some info from real mothers and fathers.

How about baby sitting? Would you feel comfortable running off to the store for an hour or so and leave your napping child with two guys who don't have a lot of experience with small children? (And by 'two guys' I mean John and Rodney, who'd rather die than let anything happen to her...)

Then there's also the issue of breastfeeding and alcohol. If the mother used a breast pump in advance, would she be able to have a little wine with dinner? I know there's a big debate on this and I don't judge anyone - I just want to know your opinions and feelings!

So... help please? *makes puppy dog eyes and offers Entangled Particles-fic*

Comments

[erda-3.livejournal.com]

Where would she be in her development? Would she smile at strangers?

Some babies smile more and earlier than others,it seems to be a basic temperament kind of thing.So she might.

Would she let a stranger hold her without fussing?

Again, that varies. Most babies that young will take it fine,especially if the person is willing to walk them around a bit.

What about eating and sleeping habits? Generally breast fed babies eat more frequently than formula fed, like every two hours or so.

How about baby sitting? Would you feel comfortable running off to the store for an hour or so and leave your napping child with two guys who don't have a lot of experience with small children? (And by 'two guys' I mean John and Rodney, who'd rather die than let anything happen to her...)

If I knew them well, and it was just for an hour or two on a single occasion, I think it would be fine.

Then there's also the issue of breastfeeding and alcohol. If the mother used a breast pump in advance, would she be able to have a little wine with dinner?

The medical opinion seems to be that we do not know how much alcohol is too much, so your best bet is to not drink at all while breast feeding. Pumping makes no difference as the body is making new milk all the time, and in fact, pumping stimulates the body to produce more, so that would seem to me to be the worst time to drink.

Hope that helps.

[zinfic.livejournal.com]

That helps a lot, thank you so much! What I really meant was pumping afterwards, but it doesn't matter as the wine has no relevance to the story anyway... just want to get my details right and my character is a responsible mother ;)

[liresius.livejournal.com]

Generally, I agree with the above and I think babies take it better being handed to strangers the younger they are. When they get a bit older they are more attached to their main carers.

I probably wouldn't have left my bub with J/R if he wasn't familiar already with them and so I would worry. It's not J or R - God, I'd trust them! It's that the baby doesn't and that I would be (and was) very emotionally attached. Sure, after time, when he's had them around a lot, yeah I would totally do that.

Yeah, best to avoid alcohol. I never drank during breast feeding.

[zinfic.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I seem to remember my goddaughter becoming more and more shy the older she got. The first time I met her she was two and a half months old and didn't mind at all being handed around like an adorable little sack of potatoes, but now that she's older only Mommy and Daddy are good enough...

Thank you for helping out!

[ariadne83]

I remember reading an article about women who "pump and dump". If they're going to drink they plan it in advance so they can pump extra milk to keep in the freezer, and then after they've been drinking they keep pumping (to keep up the supply) but dump the results (because it most likely has alcohol in it).

[zinfic.livejournal.com]

I read about that too! Glad I'm not the only one. Not that it really matters since the wine isn't important to the story, but it seems to want to be in there so I was just wondering if there was a plausible way for me to keep it.

[busaikko]

I have two kids. Write me any time (busaikkobaby atmark yahoo dotcom): I love accurate kid-writing.

Would she smile at strangers?

...really depends on the kid. My first *never* smiled. He *hated* being a baby. Once he started walking (running!) he was happy. The second was pretty smiley.

Would she let a stranger hold her without fussing?

The fussing generally starts when you get stranger!fear (sometime between 6 to 12 months as I recall). But: babies are sensitive to being held awkwardly. They despise being 'dangled' (one hand on head, one on butt, held out away from holder's body as if they were a delicate vase being caught). Mine liked a firmer hold, especially against the chest. Some babies like being vertical, others prefer being more horizontal. Neither of mine liked being laid down: as long as they were held every waking second, they were happy(er).

What about eating and sleeping habits?

Depends on the mother. I breastfed on demand, no schedule at all. Some people breastfeed on a schedule, others bottlefeed and need to be on a schedule (kids don't get fat from too much breastfeeding, as the 'good stuff' runs out, but with bottle feeding you have to make sure not to give too much formula).

How about baby sitting? Would you feel comfortable running off to the store for an hour or so and leave your napping child with two guys who don't have a lot of experience with small children?

Oh yeah. This actually happened to me when I was in high school: the pregnant lady whose boys I babysat called me up for one night, and when I got there she wasn't pregnant anymore. 'The baby's sleeping, if he cries call me' she said, and off she went. Baby never fussed, I just ignored it. And the main babysitter for my first kid was my father in law, who was good at pushing the stroller but did not change diapers *g*

(And by 'two guys' I mean John and Rodney, who'd rather die than let anything happen to her...)

Babies are tough. But fuss gets to them. Advice to babysitters: suck it up and deal (*imagines Rodney saying this to John right before a major diaper change*)

Then there's also the issue of breastfeeding and alcohol. If the mother used a breast pump in advance, would she be able to have a little wine with dinner?

Breat pumps are, in my experience, a real bitch. Hate the damn things. Ow. Two things to keep in mind: I've now met several friends who were given alcohol in bottles to help them sleep as kids, and they're fine O.o Also, pregnancy is 10 months and 'the trying to get pregnant stage' can be long, so your mother may not have had alcohol for a loooong time, and may now have the tolerance of a mayfly (I get seriously tipsy on about half a beer now). So wine? Go for it. I seriously doubt that a) that much alcohol will be consumed and b) a teeny bit of alcohol in breastmilk several hours later will harm the kid. YMMV!

Oh! A fun thing about 3-month-olds: here in Japan, all the baby books tell you that your baby will experience 'yo-naki' (night-crying) sometime around 2/3 months. All babies do this, the books say, nothing to worry about, just eat dinner in shifts so someone can walk the baby up and down for the 2 or 3 hours a night that the baby cries. Which we did, with both kids, no worries, no fuss. Only later to figure out that in the US, this would probably be colic and a big f-ing deal. *shrugs*

[zinfic.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much, this helps a lot! That's really interesting about the colic. I think cultural differences can be observed for the alcohol issue too. Here in Sweden, it's been very frowned upon to even look at a beer while you're breastfeeding, until a report came a while ago that stated that it wasn't so dangerous after all. I can't really relate - my mother barely drinks and the mother of my goddaughter doesn't drink at all so I can't ask them...

The cultural thing seems to go for smoking too btw - here it seems to be considered socially acceptable behaviour to walk up to a pregnant smoking woman on the street and tell her what a terrible mother she is (and I kind of agree with them, speaking as a sometimes smoker myself...) but in a documentary about young Danish mothers I saw a while ago, they were smoking all the time, both while they were pregnant and while their children were small, and no one commented on it.

So the rules for baby care seems to differ a lot depending on where in the world you are.