An oldie but a goodie!

[zinnith]

I'm bored and in the mood for procrastination. Here, have a Stupid Customer of the Day from my time at the Dungeon of Doom.

Me: Welcome to (satellite company) how can I help you?

Customer: Hi, I'm just calling to let you know that your satellite must've moved. Can you fix that as soon as possible please?

Me: Um... what makes you think the satellite moved?

Customer: My picture's all grainy and I lost a few channels. Can you just bump it back into place or something?

Me: I'm afraid that won't be possible. You will need to adjust your satellite dish to get the signal back. I can give you instructions for how to do it yourself, or we can send a technician within 24 hours.

Customer: No, no, there's nothing wrong with my dish, it's been in the same place for seven months.

Me: (knowing that there's been bad weather in his part of the country) Sir, is it windy where you are right now?

Customer: Yes, it's a bit of a storm actually. Now, are you going to move the satellite back or do I have to take this higher up?

Me: Sir, the satellite is in space. It didn't move. If you wait until the storm is over and then adjust your dish, the picture will come back.

Customer: You've been very unhelpful. Get your manager to call me back, I want to place a complaint. *click*

Comments

[vaginasaurus.livejournal.com]

Wow, that is uh...pretty dumb. I mean

HEY WHY AREN'T YOU DONNING YOUR SPACESUIT AND GETTING OUT THERE TO MOVE THE SATELLITE BACK INTO PLACE, LADY?

[annieb1955.livejournal.com]

ROTFL!! I'm sorry but that's hysterical. This guy just zoomed to the top of my Idiot of 2009 list.

[mesmorizee.livejournal.com]

Haha! XD

[sgamadison.livejournal.com]

ohdearohdearohdear.

And I thought I had heard all the stupid ones.

Client lets mangy old unneutered, unvaccinated tomcat inside to sleep on her three year old son's bed every night. I try to explain why this is not a good idea. She is not listening.

me: M'mam, at the very *least* you should vaccinate that cat for rabies.

client: (spoken with deep SW VA twang)Why? Whut does ray-beez do to you ennyway?

me: It *kills* you. It kills you *dead*. You need to rent Old Yeller.

[rellan.livejournal.com]

This reminds me of customers we have who believe that we are hiding the books they want in receiving. Because apparently, despite working in a bookstore, we're not in the business of selling books. We don't want you to buy from us. That's why we tell you we don't have 'Blahblah' by Joe Doe. I *really* love the customers who ask three different booksellers for the same item. And get the same freakin' answer.

Ya bang your head against that wall long enough and the magic fairy will make what you want miraculously appear.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who runs into this sort of thing.

[liresius.livejournal.com]

Wow, what an ignoramus!

But my favourite customer complaint is the one where the customer calls complaining that the coffee holder tray in her/his computer is broken. *g*