A bunch of stupid/annoying customers
Jun. 17th, 2009 08:52 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
zinnithIs it just me or are people exceptionally difficult this week?
Customer type 1: Mr. I-don't-know-anything
Zin: Welcome to (extermination company), how can I be of service?
Customer: Um. Hello.
Zin: Hello.
Customer: Hello...
Zin: Uh, hello. How can I help you?
Customer: My name is Bob.
Zin: Hi Bob, how can I help you.
Customer: Well, I have ants.
Zin: Oh, that's not very pleasant, I imagine. Would you like to file a damage report?
Customer: Uh. I don't know. Do I?
Zin: Well, if you want us to help you get rid of the ants, that would probably be a good idea, yes.
Customer: Okay. Well, yes, then I guess I want to do that.
Zin: Great, I'll need some information from you then. Do you have your insurance number?
Customer: No. Is it okay with my person number?
Zin: It'll take a little longer for us to get back to you, but it's okay.
Customer: Okay. My number is xxxx. But I think it's my wife's insurance.
Zin: Do you have her person number?
Customer: No, I'm at work.
Zin: Do you have the adress?
Customer: Well, it's our summer house. It's in the middle of the woods.
Zin: Okay, well I'm going to need an adress or our technician won't know where to go. Could you find that out for me and give me a call back?
Customer: But...but... you're supposed to know these things!
No, dear customer. I am not a telepath. I do not know where you live, I do not know your personal information, I do not know your name, your wife's name, the name of your little dog, or the name of the damn ants. The only thing I know is what you tell me. Please have your information ready before you make your call and everything will be so much easier for both of us.
Customer type 2: Mrs I-am-the-only-person-in-the-world
Zin: Welcome to (extermination company), how can I help you?
Customer: Hi, my name is xxxx, the insurance number is xxxx and I live at xxxx. We have wasps and I need you to get someone out here right away.
Zin: (typing frantically to get everything) Thank you, ma'am. I'll file your damage report immediately and a technician will get back to you within two work days.
Customer: WHAT? WE'RE HAVING A PARTY TOMORROW AND I NEED THE WASPS GONE RIGHT NOW!
Zin: I understand that, ma'am. Unfortunately this time of the year is very busy for us and there's the same waiting period for all our customers. May I ask how long you've had trouble with these wasps?
Customer: We've had them for about a month. Now, you better make sure there's a man here within an hour, I'm a busy person, I'm paying for this service.
Ooookay, lady. So you've had wasps for a month and you didn't bother calling about them until the day before your big party? Also, you don't pay for this, your insurance company does and the waiting period has been approved by them.
Zin: Well, I can write a note for customer service and tell them that you would like to get help today, but I'm afraid I can't make any promises.
Customer: THEY HAVE TO COME TODAY! I WANT YOUR PERSONAL GUARANTEE THAT THEY WILL BE HERE TODAY! MY PARTY WILL BE RUINED!
Zin: I can't guarantee anything, ma'am, I don't make the appointments. It might be possible for them to make an emergency run, but that's usually only if there's danger to anyone's life, if you've got allergy in the family or something like that.
Customer: YES! My kids are allergic, they will DIE if they get stung. Make sure you send someone immediately!
Right. So, your kids are deadly allergic to wasps and yet you waited a month to call about them? And you didn't think to mention this before you told me about your big party? Man, am I glad you're not my mother.
Zin: I'll pass that on to customer service ma'am. I'm sure they'll do their best to help you as soon as possible. Have a nice day, and thank you for your call. Bye! *click*
Telemarketer type 1
Zin: Hello and welcome to (company)!
Telemarketer: Hi, I'd like to speak to Mr X, please.
Zin: Mr X doesn't take incoming calls, but I can take your name and contact information and ask him to call back.
Telemarketer: Okay, no thanks, I'll call back later.
WOT? Didn't you hear what I just said? Now, this telemarketer will call back ten thousand times and eventually get pissed because Mr X doesn't want to take his call, something he's been informed of several times. And people wonder why I'm so unpleasant to the TM people when I'm off the clock. It's because I'm not allowed to shout at them at work.
Telemarketer type 2
Zin: Hello and welcome to (company)!
Telemarketer: Hi, who's responsible for your marketing department?
Zin: (knows how this goes...) It's mr X, you can reach him by e-mail.
Telemarketer: Oh, I'd prefer to talk to him, please.
Zin: Well, he only handles these things over mail, so he'll not be interested then.
Telemarketer: HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?
Zin: Um, because he told me so?
Seriously, I work the switchboard. I get about twenty calls like yours every day. I think I know better than you what my instructions for dealing with telemarketers are.
I'll quit whining now. I like my job, really. The nice customers make up for the stupid ones.
Customer type 1: Mr. I-don't-know-anything
Zin: Welcome to (extermination company), how can I be of service?
Customer: Um. Hello.
Zin: Hello.
Customer: Hello...
Zin: Uh, hello. How can I help you?
Customer: My name is Bob.
Zin: Hi Bob, how can I help you.
Customer: Well, I have ants.
Zin: Oh, that's not very pleasant, I imagine. Would you like to file a damage report?
Customer: Uh. I don't know. Do I?
Zin: Well, if you want us to help you get rid of the ants, that would probably be a good idea, yes.
Customer: Okay. Well, yes, then I guess I want to do that.
Zin: Great, I'll need some information from you then. Do you have your insurance number?
Customer: No. Is it okay with my person number?
Zin: It'll take a little longer for us to get back to you, but it's okay.
Customer: Okay. My number is xxxx. But I think it's my wife's insurance.
Zin: Do you have her person number?
Customer: No, I'm at work.
Zin: Do you have the adress?
Customer: Well, it's our summer house. It's in the middle of the woods.
Zin: Okay, well I'm going to need an adress or our technician won't know where to go. Could you find that out for me and give me a call back?
Customer: But...but... you're supposed to know these things!
No, dear customer. I am not a telepath. I do not know where you live, I do not know your personal information, I do not know your name, your wife's name, the name of your little dog, or the name of the damn ants. The only thing I know is what you tell me. Please have your information ready before you make your call and everything will be so much easier for both of us.
Customer type 2: Mrs I-am-the-only-person-in-the-world
Zin: Welcome to (extermination company), how can I help you?
Customer: Hi, my name is xxxx, the insurance number is xxxx and I live at xxxx. We have wasps and I need you to get someone out here right away.
Zin: (typing frantically to get everything) Thank you, ma'am. I'll file your damage report immediately and a technician will get back to you within two work days.
Customer: WHAT? WE'RE HAVING A PARTY TOMORROW AND I NEED THE WASPS GONE RIGHT NOW!
Zin: I understand that, ma'am. Unfortunately this time of the year is very busy for us and there's the same waiting period for all our customers. May I ask how long you've had trouble with these wasps?
Customer: We've had them for about a month. Now, you better make sure there's a man here within an hour, I'm a busy person, I'm paying for this service.
Ooookay, lady. So you've had wasps for a month and you didn't bother calling about them until the day before your big party? Also, you don't pay for this, your insurance company does and the waiting period has been approved by them.
Zin: Well, I can write a note for customer service and tell them that you would like to get help today, but I'm afraid I can't make any promises.
Customer: THEY HAVE TO COME TODAY! I WANT YOUR PERSONAL GUARANTEE THAT THEY WILL BE HERE TODAY! MY PARTY WILL BE RUINED!
Zin: I can't guarantee anything, ma'am, I don't make the appointments. It might be possible for them to make an emergency run, but that's usually only if there's danger to anyone's life, if you've got allergy in the family or something like that.
Customer: YES! My kids are allergic, they will DIE if they get stung. Make sure you send someone immediately!
Right. So, your kids are deadly allergic to wasps and yet you waited a month to call about them? And you didn't think to mention this before you told me about your big party? Man, am I glad you're not my mother.
Zin: I'll pass that on to customer service ma'am. I'm sure they'll do their best to help you as soon as possible. Have a nice day, and thank you for your call. Bye! *click*
Telemarketer type 1
Zin: Hello and welcome to (company)!
Telemarketer: Hi, I'd like to speak to Mr X, please.
Zin: Mr X doesn't take incoming calls, but I can take your name and contact information and ask him to call back.
Telemarketer: Okay, no thanks, I'll call back later.
WOT? Didn't you hear what I just said? Now, this telemarketer will call back ten thousand times and eventually get pissed because Mr X doesn't want to take his call, something he's been informed of several times. And people wonder why I'm so unpleasant to the TM people when I'm off the clock. It's because I'm not allowed to shout at them at work.
Telemarketer type 2
Zin: Hello and welcome to (company)!
Telemarketer: Hi, who's responsible for your marketing department?
Zin: (knows how this goes...) It's mr X, you can reach him by e-mail.
Telemarketer: Oh, I'd prefer to talk to him, please.
Zin: Well, he only handles these things over mail, so he'll not be interested then.
Telemarketer: HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?
Zin: Um, because he told me so?
Seriously, I work the switchboard. I get about twenty calls like yours every day. I think I know better than you what my instructions for dealing with telemarketers are.
I'll quit whining now. I like my job, really. The nice customers make up for the stupid ones.
