SGA-fic: Ten Thousand Years of Solitude, pt 3 (PG-13)

[zinnith]

Title: Ten Thousand Years of Solitude
Author: Zinnith
Rating/Category: PG-13/pre-slash
Pairings: John/Rodney
Spoilers: Takes place between Epiphany and Critical Mass
Word count: ~12 000
Disclaimer: All I own is junk. SGA is not junk. Ergo: I do not own SGA
Notes:
Originally meant for the sga_flashfic  challenge 'Man and Machine', but it grew and grew until it wasn't a flashfic anymore. Also fits my sg_15_fics  prompt 008: Alone.

The title is a reference to Gabriel Garcia Marquez' A Hunded Years of Solitude. It's a great novel. Read it.

Love and cookies for the_cephalopod  without whom this story would be significantly less good. She also writes great fic. Read it.
 
Summary: Rodney wished it could be just as easy to find out what was wrong with Sheppard. Just open him up and discover what makes him tick. Find the glitch and fix it. People were so complicated. No logic, no way to anticipate their reactions. It was so much easier with technology. Push a certain button and you knew you would get a certain response. With people, you never knew what to expect.

Part 1

Part 2

 

 

 

“Ha! What did I tell you?” Rodney motioned to the screen in triumph. “I have… wait a minute, I’m not sure what I have… looks like some kind of log.”

 

Sheppard’s only response was a grunt. He looked half-asleep with his head leaned back against the console and his hands resting on his thighs, still too pale for Rodney’s liking. Dark eyelashes stood out sharply against the color of his skin.  

 

Rodney reached out to shake his knee. “Hey, are you awake or am I just talking to myself here?”

 

“Aren’t you usually?” Sheppard said, turning his head and blinking owlishly.

 

“Ha ha, very funny.Are you interested in knowing what this says, or are you too busy playing the comedian?”

 

Sheppard straightened up and leaned over to peak at the screen. “Yeah, what is it?”

 

“A logbook.” Rodney quickly scanned the text. “Look at this, I have notes on all the research projects Eiyana worked on here. Now, let’s see if there’s anything on the AI.” 

 

Sheppard just turned away, disinterestedly, and his eyes drifted shut again. Rodney considered shaking him again, but was distracted by the information he had found. It was a treasure chest, things which had only been touched on in Atlantis’ database were detailed here in full.

 

“Sheppard, you should see this.” Rodney tapped Sheppard’s arm. “She was brilliant. I mean really brilliant, she must have been one of the most gifted scientists the Ancients had, and… Colonel! Are you listening?”         

 

There was no response from Sheppard. Once again, Rodney put the laptop down and shook his shoulder hard. “Sheppard!”

 

This time, it took longer before Sheppard reacted. When he opened his eyes, they were glassy and unfocused, like he was watching something far away. Rodney shook him again. “Come on, talk to me! Oh, wonderful. Of all the times to get ill, you have to pick the one where we’re trapped in the middle of nowhere, hours from medical attention. I’ll never forgive you for this, Sheppard. Do you hear me? You’re hereby degraded to coffee boy!” Sheppard’s eyes seemed to be focusing, but there was no recognition in his face. “That’s right,” Rodney continued, hoping that his voice might help bring Sheppard back. “Until my hand heals, you’ll be running errands for me – getting my lunch, doing my math, I might even let Kavanagh borrow you, how about that?”

 

Sheppard blinked. “That’d be… cruel and unusual… punishment,” he croaked, raising a hand to rub his eyes. “What happened?”

 

“What happened?” Rodney drew a deep breath, mentally counting slowly to ten. Freaking out again would help no one. “You blacked out again, that’s what happened. What’s wrong with you, Sheppard? And this time, I want a straight answer.”

 

“I don’t know,” Sheppard whispered. He looked really frightened now, his face white as a sheet and his hands trembling. “It feel like… like I’ve been in the control chair in Atlantis for too long.”

 

The statement was enough to scare Rodney too. In Antarctica, before it had been confirmed that Sheppard would be coming to Atlantis with them, Rodney had once made the mistake of putting him in the chair for an entire afternoon. The stupid flyboy hadn’t complained, of course. By the time someone finally realized how late it was, Sheppard had gotten out of the chair and managed two shaky steps before collapsing to the floor. Carson had given Rodney a long lecture and restricted the time anyone could to use the chair without a break to a two-hour maximum.

 

But this was different. As far as Rodney knew, there was no control chair around. If Sheppard was right, if it was some kind of neural interface like the one in Atlantis, there had to be a mental component involved. The chair didn’t just connect with anyone who decided to sit in it. First of all you had to have the gene. But that didn’t make sense here – if it were only a matter of DNA Rodney would be suffering from the same thing as Sheppard. He hadn’t felt any of the things Sheppard had talked about. Although, come to think of it, he had heard that not-quite-voice before the door closed, but that was just the once. Damn it, he couldn’t think of an explanation, and his brain felt like porridge – slow, mushy and of no use at all.   

        

“Maybe it’s designed to key itself to the person who opens the door,” he said. Sheppard just looked confused, so Rodney continued. “The AI?” Sheppard gave him a blank look, he didn’t seem to be following at all. Rodney sighed and rolled his eyes; he knew that he had skipped a few steps in his reasoning and that Sheppard wasn’t exactly firing at all cylinders at the moment, so he shouldn’t really be irritated. But the whole situation was just so frustrating.

 

“Okay, let’s take it from the beginning,” he said, mustering all his patience. “We have an AI running this place, right?”

 

“Right,” Sheppard echoed.

 

“Right, good. The chair on Atlantis can only form a connection with a gene carrier. If this AI is similar to the one we have on Atlantis, it should react to the ATA-gene. But if it did, I would feel it too. Maybe not as intensely as you do, since your gene is stronger, but I’m pretty sure I’d be able to pick something up. So I’m thinking, when you opened the door, maybe the AI keyed itself to your brainwaves? Are you following me?”

 

“Mhmm,” Sheppard mumbled. He didn’t look like he was following. As a matter of fact, he looked about as bad as Rodney felt. Rodney put the laptop down on the floor and dug into his pocket for a power bar.

 

“Hey, are you hungry? Do you want something to eat?” he asked. Now that he thought about it, he hadn’t seen Sheppard eat anything all day. They’d stopped for lunch on their way here and Rodney, Teyla and Ronon had eaten, but Sheppard had just had some water. Rodney should have realized then that everything was not well. As skinny as Sheppard was, he usually ate like a horse.

 

Sheppard shook his head. “M’ okay. Jus’ tired. You go ‘head an’ eat.” There was that slur again.

 

“No, I’m… that’s okay.” Rodney looked between Sheppard and the power bar in his hand. He wasn’t hungry himself, actually felt a little nauseous. He knew his blood sugar wouldn’t start bothering him yet for some time, so he put the power bar away. Maybe Sheppard would want it later. “Why don’t you try to get some sleep? I’ll… I’ll be right here. Just don’t go away again.”

 

The last probably came out a little more pathetic than he had meant it to, but Sheppard didn’t comment, just leaned his head against Rodney’s shoulder and closed his eyes.

 

Okay, that was new. Sheppard usually didn’t search out physical contact. Not that Rodney disapproved. It felt sort of nice actually. It was a little chilly in the room and Sheppard’s body was warm and heavy against him. Rodney carefully shifted into position that would be more comfortable for both of them, picked up the laptop again, and went back to work.

 

* * *

 

The one who is of her kind is sleeping deeply. She entertains herself with his dreams for a while. At first there’s metal and blood, but then a strong feeling of home; the sound of the ocean the rhythmic pounding of heartbeats all around her.

 

The other one watches, dividing his attention between the one who is of her kind and his equipment. For being such an intelligent man, he is very slow. She thought he would have it figured out by now. There are enough clues, enough for anyone to piece it together. He is probably scared, she thinks. Not ready to accept the possibility of what she is. He knows loneliness and that is what she is.

 

* * *       

 

There was something he’d been missing, Rodney was sure of it. He’d gone through Eiyana’s logbook twice and found nothing. Nothing on AI:s, nothing on the programs the base ran on. In short, no clues as to how to get the place to respond to him.  

 

Sheppard was still fast asleep, snoring softly and drooling a little on Rodney’s jacket. In sleep, he looked relaxed and unguarded. Rodney had the strange urge to stroke his hair a little. Maybe this place was starting to make him act weird too.

 

“Or, you know, it could be a result of nearly being fried to death,” he said conversationally to himself. His voice seemed to bounce off the walls. Sheppard stirred a bit, but didn’t wake. Rodney sighed and put the laptop down. Maybe if he followed Sheppard’s example and got some sleep he would be able to think better. He was tired and sore, and the throbbing in his hand had only gotten worse. The Tylenol had helped a bit, but what he really wanted was Carson, a nice hospital bed and some really good drugs. He felt like he deserved it. How long would it take Teyla and Ronon to come back with help anyway? With some luck, they would bring a bunch of marines with plenty of C-4 to just blow open the door. 

 

And he knew things were getting really bad when blowing stuff up seemed like a good solution.

 

“You know,” he said to the sleeping Sheppard. “This really wasn’t on my calendar for today. Go explore Ancient research station. Get locked in by Ancient AI. Watch my friend succumb to some kind of mysterious illness. I’m sure I’d have remembered it if I’d written that down.”

 

Rodney went back to the laptop, prepared to go over the logbook again. It was like solitaire. Sooner or later, he had to win.       

 

He had only touched the keyboard when Sheppard suddenly started awake and sat up straight. Rodney gave him a glance. “Have a good nap, Colonel?” he asked, preoccupied with the text on his screen.

 

“Leave me alone!”

 

“Excuse me?” Rodney turned. “For your information, I have been…” he trailed off. Sheppard’s eyes were wide open and unfocused again. Not good. Rodney reached out to shake him back to awareness. This was the third time now – definitely not good. “Colonel?”

 

“What? No, not you.” Sheppard shook his head. “I think I was dreaming.” He sounded confused. From the pinched look on his face, he must have one hell of a headache.

 

“Dreaming about what? Being chased by scantily clad ladies? To judge from the puddle of saliva on my jacket, that must have been some dream.”

 

Sheppard didn’t rise to the bait, just blinked and rubbed his temples. He had moved so he was sitting sort of hunched in on himself, his spine in a protective curve underneath his jacket and tac vest. “I think it was about… machines,” he murmured. Rodney wasn’t sure if he was talking to himself or to Rodney. “It was… I don’t know. It felt good. Like there was finally some order to the world. Never been able to make sense of it…”

 

Right, definitely not talking to Rodney. The Sheppard he knew would never make a statement like that unless he was stoned out of his mind.   

 

“Okay, now you’re freaking me out,” Rodney said. He put the laptop down on the floor and reached out to put a hand on Sheppard’s shoulder. Touch had seemed to calm him before, but now, the Colonel flinched away and got to his feet.

 

“Don’t!”

 

“What!” Rodney grabbed the console and hoisted himself up as well. “A moment ago you were practically lying on top of me, and now you won’t even let me close? What are you afraid of, cooties?”

 

“Sorry.” Sheppard had wrapped both arms tight around his middle. He looked scared and fragile, like a kid who had just got beaten up by the neighborhood bullies. “It’s not you, it’s… I feel like there’s someone trying to get… to me. Get inside me.” He looked up, turning bruised eyes on Rodney. “I’m not making much sense, am I?”

 

“Do you ever?” Rodney said. When this didn’t get any reaction from Sheppard, he rolled his eyes. “Definitely not on my calendar for today.”

 

Suddenly understanding flooded through him - something that had been floating just on the edge of his consciousness snapped into focus. He knew what he had had been missing…

 

“I think I’ve got it!” he picked the laptop up and scanned the log again to be sure, then went back to the files he had downloaded from Atlantis’ database to double-check. “The calendar. God, I can’t believe I missed it!”

 

“Missed what?” Sheppard had come closer and was leaning over his shoulder.

 

“Here, look!” Rodney pointed to the screen. “Look at the dates. Here, in the files from Atlantis. This is the date where Eiyana supposedly died and this base was abandoned. It was in the middle of the war with the Wraith, so they didn’t bother to send anyone to replace her, they just let the place be.”

 

Sheppard followed his wildly gesturing hand. “And?”   

 

“And, look at this! In the logbook from this base. Look at the dates here. These entries were made almost a year after Eiyana died. So either she was experimenting with timetravel, which I don’t think likely, or her ghost made those entries, which I think even less likely. Or…”

 

“Or she was still around,” Sheppard finished for him, realization sparking in his eyes.

 

“Exactly! And if she was still around then, maybe she’s still around now!”     

 

“You said…” Sheppard started slowly. “You said before that she either died or ascended.”

 

“Well, maybe it was neither.” The idea was staggering. Rodney’s knees suddenly decided that he had to sit down and he slid down to the floor. “Maybe she tried to ascend, but got… stuck… somewhere halfway. Got stuck here. Oh god, I’ve been wrong all the time. It isn’t an AI. It’s her!”

 

“Ten thousand years…” Sheppard whispered, so pale he was almost translucent.

 

“We must be the first human beings to come here,” Rodney said. Ten thousand years with no company but computers and machines. No one to exchange ideas with. No one to steal dessert from. No one who made you watch horrible technologically inaccurate movies and hogged the popcorn. He couldn’t even begin to understand what it would be like. “It… she must’ve recognized your DNA and latched on to you somehow. I mean…ten thousand years. She can’t be exactly sane.” He laughed, and felt detached enough to pick up the underlying tone of hysteria in his own voice. “Ascended women. They just can’t leave you alone, can they?”

 

* * *       

 

They understand! Finally, they understand. It is such a relief, such a joy. It will not be long now. They know who she is. They don’t have to be afraid any more. If only the one who is of her kind agrees to talk to her, let her show him her home. Let her show him the beauty of it. Let himself love it the way she does. Maybe he can show the other one.

 

Eternity will be easier to bear with their company.

 

* * *   

 

“I’ve been thinking,” Sheppard said suddenly.

 

“Really? Did it hurt?” Rodney responded automatically, with no real feeling to the barb. They had been sitting silent for the last half hour, neither speaking nor moving, just trying to come to terms with Rodney’s discovery.

 

Sheppard ignored him and continued. “What if I just stopped fighting her? If we can find out what she wants, maybe she’ll let us out of here.”

 

“Yes, and maybe she’ll suck you right out of your body and into the machinery. Great idea, Colonel.”

 

Sheppard shot him a dark look. “Do you have a better idea?”

 

“Yes!” Rodney half-shouted. “We wait for Teyla and Ronon to come back and get us out!”

 

Sheppard looked down. “I don’t think we have that much time, Rodney,” he said quietly. “She wants something and she’s not going to stop until she gets it.”  

 

“So you’re going to risk you life again, is that it?” Suddenly, Rodney was so angry he could hardly breathe. Damn it, Sheppard had no right to do this. “It’ll be another ‘So long, Rodney’? Just where the hell did you get the idea that you’re expendable?”  

 

There was a deep sigh from Sheppard. He looked incredibly weary, like just sitting up and talking was robbing him of energy he didn’t have. “I just don’t know how much more of it I can take,” he said. “It’s like this constant pressure inside my head, and it’s getting harder and harder to keep her out.”

 

“So you’re just going to quit. Is that it, Colonel?”

 

That comment wasn’t fair and Rodney knew it. This shouldn’t be happening, especially not to Sheppard - he had been through enough lately. First there had been Ford and his insane little band of drug-addicts who’d held them hostage, and then being trapped in that time dilation field for months, thinking his team had abandoned him. That had only been a few weeks ago. And now this – it just wasn’t fair.

 

“I’m tired,” Sheppard said softly, like he had been reading Rodney’s mind. “I don’t want to quit, but I’m just so damn tired. I’m sorry.”     

 

Then he went silent. Rodney leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes. He was pretty tired himself. He wished he could grab a nap; maybe when he woke up he would have a solution. Then again, probably not. Technology, he could fix. People, not so much – especially not crazy half-ascended Ancients.   

 

The silence lengthened and after a while Rodney opened his eyes again. Then he went cold – Sheppard was gone again. His eyes were open, but glassy and vacant, and he was slumped against the main console.  

 

“Sheppard?” he asked. When there was no response, he crawled over to Sheppard on hand and knees. “Come on, Sheppard. John. Don’t do this.”

 

“Rodney.” Sheppard’s voice was barely a whisper. “I wish you could see it. You’d love it, Rodney. It’s beautiful. Perfect.”

 

Sheppard smiled and closed his eyes and for a brief moment, Rodney wished that he could see it, could experience the same thing Sheppard did instead of watching it as numbers on a screen. That was when the first thin line of blood started to trickle out of Sheppard’s left nostril.  

 

He rushed to his feet, screaming, “Stop it! Can’t you see you’re hurting him?”

 

There was no answer, only his own voice echoing off the walls. It shouldn’t be a surprise that she wanted Sheppard. All the Ancient chicks seemed to fall for him. First Chaya, and then the one in the time dilation field, Te…something. And now Eiyana. They all went for Sheppard, who could charm the pants off anyone with his hair and his lazy grin. Except here he was, dying, just because that charm in addition to his genetic make-up apparently turned him into a giant magnet for ascended women.

 

Rodney decided, there and then, that he simply was not going to allow it to happen. “Come on,” he said, closing his eyes and concentrating. “Eiyana – I’m here too. Come and talk to me.”       

 

Then he could feel it. Could sense the presence of something, someone else. It was a little bit like the time when he’d had Cadman stuck in his head, only less intimate. Instead of actually being in his head, Eiyana was just standing on the threshold. Rodney understood what Sheppard had meant about pressure. His head felt like a tennis ball in a vise. If she pushed any more, his brain would probably explode into a million messy pieces.  

 

‘Not alone anymore.’

 

That was the same not-quite-voice he had heard when the door closed. Eiyana. And now he understood what she had meant. Why she wouldn’t let them leave. Oh my god. She really is a person, and she’s been stuck here for ten thousand years all alone. No wonder she went insane.

 

Sheppard had slid down onto the floor, pale and still. Rodney knelt next to him, almost afraid to touch him and find him gone. The blood was still running from his nose. That had to be a good sign – dead people didn’t bleed, right? Rodney grabbed Sheppard’s shoulders with his good arm and tried to lever the other man up to rest against his chest. Eiyana clearly didn’t like that.   

 

‘Mine. Belongs here.’

 

No. No, no, no. She couldn’t do that. She couldn’t just decide that Sheppard was her property and keep him here forever. “You can’t have him! Do you hear me, you Ancient bitch! You can’t have him, he’s mine! He’s ours! Do you get it?!”

 

He didn’t stop until he had yelled himself hoarse. God, he couldn’t even tell if Sheppard was still breathing.

 

‘Want company. He is mine. My people.’

 

“Please,” Rodney croaked. “He’s not one of your people. They left millennia ago. They’re all dead or ascended. There’s no one left here. He doesn’t belong here, he belongs with us. His people.”

 

‘No one?’ 

 

There was grief then, so solid and real it felt like you could touch it. The loneliness of someone who was the last of her kind. It made Rodney feel like something inside him had broke lose and started to bleed. “There’s no one left here,” he repeated, and then remembered something about the people who had been with Sheppard in the time dilation field, trying to ascend. “They’re gone. They… they ascended. You can see them again, but not if you stay here.”

 

‘This is home. Love.’ 

 

“Yes. Yes, I get it.” She really did love the place. Had invested her whole life in it. It was like if someone would have asked Rodney to leave Atlantis. “I understand it, Eiyana. I really do. I… I’m lonely too, a lot of the time. I know what it’s like. But you have to… you have to take the risk. Take a step outside. You have to let go. You have to let us go.”

 

‘Safe here. Danger outside.’

 

“I know!” Rodney could understand her so well, and yet he hoped, prayed to some higher power he didn’t even believe in, that he could make her see reason. “Listen to me, will you? I know it’s dangerous out there, believe me, I know. There’s…there’s fear and pain and Wraith and… and people who stick knives in your arms and the universe keeps throwing lethal allergens at you, but it’s worth it! There’s so much to see, so many things you’ll never get to experience in here, things that haven’t even been discovered yet. Please, let us go.”

 

For a long time there was only silence. Then there came a soft sliding sound from the corridor. Fresh air filled the compound and jungle noises filtered through Eiyana’s grief.  

 

There was a part, a very small part, of Rodney that wanted to stay, wanted to keep her company. He knew about loneliness. He wasn’t even sure what he would have done in her position.

 

But Sheppard came first. Rodney didn’t think he could lift the other man if his life depended on it, so he hooked his hands under Sheppard’s armpits, biting his lip against the pain, and staggered backwards toward the exit, dragging Sheppard behind him. It was slow going – every movement jarred his burned hand and made black spots blink in an out in his vision.    

 

The corridor seemed impossibly long. Rodney kept switching his attention between Sheppard’s limp body and the still-open door. Who knew how long Eiyana would keep it open? She might change her mind any second and keep them trapped in here forever.    

 

The moment Sheppard’s feet were outside, the door slid shut again. Rodney decided that this was about as far as he was going to get and just let his legs fold, sinking to the ground with Sheppard’s head cradled in his lap. He reached out his shaking hand to try to wipe the blood from Sheppard’s face. Most of it had already dried. He knew he ought to check for a pulse, and pressed his numb fingers to Sheppard’s neck. He couldn’t find one.

 

Too late. Too damn late.

 

Rodney got Sheppard lying on his back and began CPR. He didn’t even feel the pain in his hand from doing the compressions. It couldn’t end like this, not now. He had no idea how long he was trying to force the life back into Sheppard’s body. It felt like hours. He’d lost all feeling in his trembling arms. His lungs were far too small to breathe for two. Despite the failing of his stupid, weak body, he kept going. He just couldn’t bear the thought of spending the rest of his life without John Sheppard.

Part 4